How men become creepy by mistake

People underestimate how difficult I am to accept as a girlfriend. When I cook, sometimes I am too lazy to cut up the herbs. Yes, for real.

One time, I invited a guy on a date at my home (brave, I know). I cooked a type of stew for the two of us. I put curly-leaf parsley in the stew, and I did not chop it up. Yes, that’s right – there were large pieces of undercooked parsley in the stew.

Other than the parsley, the flavor of the stew was primo di pastissimo a la fortega bodega tra deluximo (that is Italian for “very delicious”). The texture and mouth-feel of the parsley was pretty bad, because it was curly-leaf parsley, and it was undercooked (practically raw, in fact) because I accidentally added it too late. The rest of the stew was cooked and seasoned to perfection.

By observing his body language, I could clearly see that my guest disliked the parsley. And who wouldn’t? Only a masochist would enjoy raw chunks of curly-leaf parsley in stew.

Eventually, I asked, “How’s the grub?”

He replied immediately, “Excellent! Really excellent. You’re an expert in the kitchen.”

He did not even comment on my humorous description of my own cuisine as “the grub”. He did not chuckle either. Not even a smile. He remained totally serious and humorless.

At the end of date, when it was time for him to leave, he wanted some kind of feedback from me. He wanted to know whether I wanted to see him again.

With a calm and friendly tone of voice, I said, “Oh, I enjoyed our evening, but I don’t want to see you again.”

He was surprised. He exclaimed, “What?! Why?!”

I answered, “To be successful, a relationship needs to begin on a basis of honesty.”

He protested, “What?? I was honest!”

I said, “You lied about my cooking, and now you lied about being honest.”

He eventually admitted that he disliked the parsley. Then he tried to defend his behavior. He said, “I was trying to be nice.”

And there it is. The nice guy.

If “nice” means dishonest, cowardly, and/or weak, then I do not want that type of “nice”, because it dooms relationships to failure. I do not want an a**hole, but I do not want a coward either. Balance is needed.

I had specifically asked him for his opinion of my cooking. This makes his polite concealment even worse. He should have replied in a manner that enhances or maintains my respect for him. Here are a few examples of good replies that are truthful without insulting my cooking:

“I like your stew a lot, except for the parsley. I would love it if you cook it for me again sometime, if you could just leave out the parsley.”

“Despite the parsley being undercooked, this stew is wonderful.”

“This parsley is getting in the way of this wonderful food, so it’s going to the side. How did you learn to cook such a delicious stew?”

Replies like the above enable mutual two-way respect, and they demonstrate integrity and strength instead of weakness. They also enable me to begin to trust the man and feel safe/secure in his presence.

Alternatively, a few readers wisely pointed out the excellent option of using humor to deliver honesty and garner respect at the same time. For example:

“Darling, if you buy that sweater, I’m calling the police and a therapist.”

Alternatively, I would have accepted it if he had said nothing, or if he had replied in a neutral/diplomatic manner instead of directly lying to my face by saying “Really excellent” and “You’re an expert in the kitchen”. The important thing is to not tell lies to a prospective new girlfriend, especially not cowardly lies. If he had expressed no opinion, then I would not have viewed him as a liar.

When a man lies to me regarding something as trivial as parsley in a tasty stew, then how bad will his dishonesty/cowardice and non-communication be whenever a non-trivial issue occurs? I cannot trust such a man, or I cannot rely on him, and I cannot feel properly safe and secure with him.

A successful relationship requires mutual trust and excellent communication, but this “nice guy” demonstrated that he could not even handle a problem as small as parsley. Bigger problems are guaranteed to occur in life at some point, and he would fail to handle them. He would also fail to protect our future family, because he is weak-minded and lacking in integrity and courage.

Instead of discussing and solving a problem in a relationship, he would politely and nicely ignore my irritating behavior for months or years until one day he explodes with rage, because he was tolerating an irritation for a long time instead of resolving it in the beginning.

Some men blame everything on their appearance. Normally, a man is not single because of unchangeable aspects of his appearance. Bad clothing and ugly styles of eyeglasses are off-putting, but these are easily fixed, and then the man needs to pay attention to his own behavior. Men that act like lying cowards get rejected for good reasons.

🤥 Creepy concealment of sexual desire

Men want sex, and by itself, there is nothing wrong with wanting sex. Too often, men conceal their desire for sex, but this makes them appear creepy, dishonest, and/or cowardly. Obviously, in some situations (such as a workplace), it is necessary and correct to hide sexual desire. Obviously, nobody should sexually harass a coworker.

The mistake is to conceal sexual desire all the time in all situations even when it is appropriate to have sexual desire. I love it when a man confidently and shamelessly reveals his sexual desire for me in an appropriate situation and in a suitable manner (as described following).

Even if I decide to reject the man, I still enjoy his expression of sexual desire for me, provided that he does it in a suitable manner. A man should keep in mind that if I reject him or if other women reject him, it is possible that we reluctantly rejected him for some reason (such as not being single), therefore he should not be upset or offended.

Here is an example scenario. During a first date, a woman asks:

“Are you trying to get me into bed?”

Many men answer such a question with lies. They deny the existence of their sexual desire. This makes them appear either creepy or weak. Instead, they should answer in the following manner: