How men become creepy by mistake

People underestimate how difficult I am to accept as a girlfriend. When I cook, sometimes I am too lazy to cut up the herbs. Yes, for real.

One time, I invited a guy on a date at my home (brave, I know). I cooked a type of stew for the two of us. I put curly-leaf parsley in the stew, and I did not chop it up. Yes, that’s right – there were large pieces of undercooked parsley in the stew.

Other than the parsley, the flavor of the stew was primo di pastissimo a la fortega bodega tra deluximo (that is Italian for “very delicious”). The texture and mouth-feel of the parsley was pretty bad, because it was curly-leaf parsley, and it was undercooked (practically raw, in fact) because I accidentally added it too late. The rest of the stew was cooked and seasoned to perfection.

By observing his body language, I could clearly see that my guest disliked the parsley. And who wouldn’t? Only a masochist would enjoy raw chunks of curly-leaf parsley in stew.

Eventually, I asked, “How’s the grub?”

He replied immediately, “Excellent! Really excellent. You’re an expert in the kitchen.”

He did not even comment on my humorous description of my own cuisine as “the grub”. He did not chuckle either. Not even a smile. He remained totally serious and humorless.

At the end of date, when it was time for him to leave, he wanted some kind of feedback from me. He wanted to know whether I wanted to see him again.

With a calm and friendly tone of voice, I said, “Oh, I enjoyed our evening, but I don’t want to see you again.”

He was surprised. He exclaimed, “What?! Why?!”

I answered, “To be successful, a relationship needs to begin on a basis of honesty.”

He protested, “What?? I was honest!”

I said, “You lied about my cooking, and now you lied about being honest.”

He eventually admitted that he disliked the parsley. Then he tried to defend his behavior. He said, “I was trying to be nice.”

And there it is. The nice guy.

If “nice” means dishonest, cowardly, and/or weak, then I do not want that type of “nice”, because it dooms relationships to failure. I do not want an a**hole, but I do not want a coward either. Balance is needed.

I had specifically asked him for his opinion of my cooking. This makes his polite concealment even worse. He should have replied in a manner that enhances or maintains my respect for him. Here are a few examples of good replies that are truthful without insulting my cooking:

“I like your stew a lot, except for the parsley. I would love it if you cook it for me again sometime, if you could just leave out the parsley.”

“Despite the parsley being undercooked, this stew is wonderful.”

“This parsley is getting in the way of this wonderful food, so it’s going to the side. How did you learn to cook such a delicious stew?”

Replies like the above enable mutual two-way respect, and they demonstrate integrity and strength instead of weakness. They also enable me to begin to trust the man and feel safe/secure in his presence.

Alternatively, a few readers wisely pointed out the excellent option of using humor to deliver honesty and garner respect at the same time. For example:

“Darling, if you buy that sweater, I’m calling the police and a therapist.”

Alternatively, I would have accepted it if he had said nothing, or if he had replied in a neutral/diplomatic manner instead of directly lying to my face by saying “Really excellent” and “You’re an expert in the kitchen”. The important thing is to not tell lies to a prospective new girlfriend, especially not cowardly lies. If he had expressed no opinion, then I would not have viewed him as a liar.

When a man lies to me regarding something as trivial as parsley in a tasty stew, then how bad will his dishonesty/cowardice and non-communication be whenever a non-trivial issue occurs? I cannot trust such a man, or I cannot rely on him, and I cannot feel properly safe and secure with him.

A successful relationship requires mutual trust and excellent communication, but this “nice guy” demonstrated that he could not even handle a problem as small as parsley. Bigger problems are guaranteed to occur in life at some point, and he would fail to handle them. He would also fail to protect our future family, because he is weak-minded and lacking in integrity and courage.

Instead of discussing and solving a problem in a relationship, he would politely and nicely ignore my irritating behavior for months or years until one day he explodes with rage, because he was tolerating an irritation for a long time instead of resolving it in the beginning.

Some men blame everything on their appearance. Normally, a man is not single because of unchangeable aspects of his appearance. Bad clothing and ugly styles of eyeglasses are off-putting, but these are easily fixed, and then the man needs to pay attention to his own behavior. Men that act like lying cowards get rejected for good reasons.

💡 When the man feels unable to be honest about trivialities, then it tells me that he does not respect himself and care enough about himself to speak up. It also tells me that he is mentally immature and subconsciously seeking a substitute mother instead of a partner. He is not ready for a relationship.

🤥 Creepy concealment of sexual desire

Men want sex, and by itself, there is nothing wrong with wanting sex. Too often, men conceal their desire for sex, but this makes them appear creepy, dishonest, and/or cowardly. Obviously, in some situations (such as a workplace), it is necessary and correct to hide sexual desire. Obviously, nobody should sexually harass a coworker.

The mistake is to conceal sexual desire all the time in all situations even when it is appropriate to have sexual desire. I love it when a man confidently and shamelessly reveals his sexual desire for me in an appropriate situation and in a suitable manner (as described following).

Even if I decide to reject the man, I still enjoy his expression of sexual desire for me, provided that he does it in a suitable manner. A man should keep in mind that if I reject him or if other women reject him, it is possible that we reluctantly rejected him for some reason (such as not being single), therefore he should not be upset or offended.

Here is an example scenario. During a first date, a woman asks:

“Are you trying to get me into bed?”

Many men answer such a question with lies. They deny the existence of their sexual desire. This makes them appear either creepy or weak. Instead, they should answer in the following manner:

Unabashed, and with confidence and honesty. Men should reply with something like the following example or an equivalent expressed in their own words:

“Yes, of course I want sex. My goal is a full relationship, and this includes sex as normal, but I have no plans to have sex today, considering that we just met. Let’s take the time to get to know each other, and then at the right time, if it turns out that we both want it, then yes, by all means, let’s jump in the sack together or have a good old romp in the hay, whichever is more fun for you.”

Men need to understand that women are not repulsed by a man’s sexual desire in an appropriate situation, rather it is the lying and denial of sexual desire that is repulsive and creepy. For example, one time a man wrote the following in his profile in a dating app:

“I don’t know what any of those acronyms mean. I just really want somebody that I can bend over a table.”

A woman commented on his profile:

“I really respect that line in his profile. I love it when men are honest about their sexual desire. When men pretend that they’re not hungry animals, that’s when they fall flat on their face. Honesty is hot. Authentic desire is hot. It’s a revealing of his true self, and I love it.”

🙈 Ignoring a woman’s desire to have sex

Sometimes the man and the woman reach a stage where the woman is ready to have sex for their first time with each other, and she outright desires sex with him, and she communicates her desire in an indirect manner, but he ignores her.

For example, she repeatedly touches him, and she talks suggestively with a sensual affectionate tone of voice, and she stares at him lustfully while playing with her hair, and she makes other hints as well, but he persistently pretends that she is doing nothing. Alternatively, he pretends that he did not notice.

I am not criticizing men that genuinely did not notice, rather I am criticizing men that did notice it but pretended as if nothing was happening. When a man knows that a woman desires to have sex with him, but he does nothing in response, then he is being cowardly. His fearful behavior is repulsive or at least off-putting. He needs to work on improving his courage and his behavior.

I know that men wish that women would just simply ask for sex directly, but many or most women (including me) have a built-in aversion to asking for sex (even when we want it). This is an evolved behavior in women, and there is a very good reason for it. Throughout thousands of years of history, whenever a woman initiated sex, it increased her risk of becoming a single mother.

One or two thousand years ago, it was dangerous and potentially deadly to be a single mother. Nowadays it is not deadly, but it is still a major disadvantage and a difficulty. It is also bad for the children when they have no father (or only one parent).

When the man is the initiator of sex, and when he is highly desirous of a particular woman, then the sex is more likely to lead to a long-term relationship (no guarantee but the probability is significantly better). This is a good rational reason for women to want the man to be the initiator.

Furthermore, men cannot expect women to ask for sex when women do not desire sex. Many women have responsive desire and do not desire sex until sometime after the man expresses his sexual desire with sufficient intensity. Therefore, the man must take the initiative if he wants to have sex.

🩹 Providing emotional support in a creepy way

For example, a woman complains about her awful job or an awful coworker or her awful boyfriend or whatever. She seeks emotional support from a male friend, and he gives it to her. Maybe he even behaves like a patient and attentive psychotherapist.

This behavior alone is not creepy. For example, if he was happy to provide some emotional support to a female friend, and if he truly wanted nothing in return, and if he is not excessively selfless, then it would not be creepy.

It becomes creepy when he secretly wants sex in return, and he conceals his true desire or wish. It is creepy when a guy pretends to be fully satisfied with being in the friendzone forever.

A nice guy is being extremely unrealistic when he thinks that if he provides a woman with ongoing emotional support for a long enough time, then eventually she will suddenly wake up one day and desire to have sex with him. That is ridiculous. That almost never happens.

🔁 Reversal of male and female roles

The majority of women want the man to take the initiative and the active role. This means that the man should approach the woman and communicate his interest in her. If she rejects him, then he should shrug it off and move onto a different woman.

Some men try to reverse the standard procedure. A man shows off or makes a performance or tries to impress a woman in some manner, and then he waits and hopes that she will take the initiative and approach him and communicate her interest in him. This usually fails, because his behavior is interpreted as cowardice or fear of rejection or fear of women.

The man is afraid of rejection and not brave enough to take the risk of communicating his interest in the woman, thus he tries to reverse the roles and make her be the brave one. Normally he ends up waiting in vain, because most women do not feel attracted to a man that takes the passive role as if he is female and she is male.

⛔ Thinking that women never really mean it when they say “No”

If a man asks a woman whether she wants to go out on a date with him, and she grins and replies, “Not in a million years! Hahahaha”, then she is making a hyperbolic joke (most likely). The evidence of her joke is the hyperbole, her laughter, her grin, and her good mood. When her answer was clearly a joke and her mood is good, then it may be appropriate to try again.

In contrast, if a woman’s facial expression, tone of voice, and choice of wording are serious (or anxious, frightened, offended, or annoyed), then it would be a big mistake to think that she does not really mean it. Some men make this mistake. They try again even when it was clear that the woman seriously meant “No”. This can become a case of harassment.

Even if, somewhere in the world, there exists a woman that does not really mean it when she says “No” in a serious manner, then a man would be wise to strenuously avoid such a problematic woman. A woman that plays psycho-games (or that expects men to have magical psychic mind-reading powers) is a bad choice of girlfriend.

Therefore, the rule is the same for both genders: Treat serious as serious, and jokes as jokes. If it is unclear whether a woman is joking, then a man can simply ask her, “Are you joking?”

👨‍👧 Pedophiles that want no relationship with any adult woman

A whole bunch of men responded to the first version of this article by posting abusive hate-filled comments about women. Many of the men that harshly criticize all women are pedophiles. Their pedophilia is the underlying reason why they spew hateful remarks about women.

Pedophiles seek an excuse or a cover story to explain why they are permanently single. Their cover story is that all women are bad. In reality, they are permanently single because they feel little or no attraction to any adult women. Some of them cannot even get an erection when looking at pornography.

They only feel attracted to girls aged between 10 and 16, but child marriage is illegal for good reasons, therefore they are forced to remain single and invent excuses to cover up their pedophilia. The prevalence of pedophilia is much higher than many people realize, because of evolutionary reasons that I have explained in one of my other articles.

😨 Creepy doomers with anxiety disorders

A young man’s first attempts to approach and invite a woman usually make him very nervous or even anxious. This is normal. To eliminate this nervousness or anxiety, a man should make it his goal to get rejected by ten women. He should deliberately get rejected repeatedly until his fear disappears. After practicing and experiencing a number of rejections, he will gain the ability to calmly and confidently invite a woman on a date.

However, some men reach age 30+ without conquering their fear of women (or fear of rejection or dating), because they have an untreated anxiety disorder. Approximately 30% of people in the USA have or had an anxiety disorder of some kind. Anxiety disorder is the most prevalent psychiatric disorder (other than drug addiction).

The good news is that anxiety disorders are very treatable, and psychologists have much experience with treating them successfully, because they are so very common. However, some men are deeply insecure, and they strenuously refuse to acknowledge the existence of their anxiety disorder. Consequently, they seek no treatment, and they remain fearful of women forever.

Similar to pedophiles, some men with anxiety disorders seek a cover story. In reality, they are single because the thought of dating makes them extremely anxious. Instead of admitting their anxiety and getting treatment for it, they claim that all women are bad.

Alternatively, anxious men (and pedophiles) claim that all women make dating so extremely difficult that it is practically impossible for men to succeed, except for the most handsome and wealthy men (the “top 1% of men”, as they say).

Some anxious men wish to believe that flirting is banned everywhere (even outside of workplaces), because they find it easier to believe this nonsense than to acknowledge the existence of their anxiety disorder and take responsibility for it like a mature man.

Some of these anxious men even go so far as to claim that there is a high risk of them being arrested by the police if they merely say to any woman, even just once only, “Would you like to go on a date with me sometime?”

🎯 How men can succeed with women

Do not be nasty, but do not be excessively nice either. Both extremes of nasty and nice are bad. Find a reasonable and respectable balance. Treat yourself and the woman fairly. Fair for both of you.

Do not tell cowardly or fearful lies. Do not pretend to like everything that the woman says, does, and makes. Do not be afraid to tell the truth when you dislike something that she said or did. Just say it in a respectable manner like the example that I gave, not in a harsh manner.

Do not think that a woman will only like you if you agree with 100% of her opinions. She is likely to suspect that something is wrong with you if you never disagree with her about anything.

Demonstrate that you are capable of the good communication that every relationship requires. Demonstrate that you are capable of discussing and solving the problems that will inevitably occur in any relationship at some point.

Do not conceal your sexual desire or wishes in a creepy manner. When the timing and circumstances are suitable and appropriate, let her know that she is a very desirable woman in your opinion.

If she indirectly communicates that she wants to have sex with you, and you know it, do not pretend that you did not notice. Do not be fearful of her desire for sex with you. Embrace her desire with happiness and enthusiasm.

You can provide emotional support, but only if you truly want to, and only if you ensure that you are not doing it in a creepy manner. Do not provide ongoing emotional support for the reason of secretly hoping that it will lead to sex or a full relationship one day in the future.

Conquer your fear of rejection. Do not try to reverse the male and female roles. Do not try to make the woman be the brave one so that you can have it easy. Show her that you have the ability and the confidence to take the active role and retain your composure in the event of rejection.

Good luck! 😃

💣 No good deed goes unpunished

I am willing to help men have relationships and sex with women, provided that they do it in an ethical manner that is good for both genders. I have already made a big effort to be helpful (I have written multiple articles for men).

The reaction to my good deed has been very mixed. I have received a stream of venomous and hateful messages from a bunch of ungrateful creeps (and more on the way). I have been forced to block many nasty men that are determined to believe that all women are evil.

That was the bad news. The good news is that the number of appreciative readers greatly outnumbers the ungrateful creeps. Please keep your 🤍 likes and restacks coming. 🥰