Obvious, essential, and yet neglected in dating

Here is an essential dating tip that sounds stupid: To be successful on a date, both people must be truly and properly interested in each other and curious about each other. See, now this sounds stupid, because I am stating the obvious.

The problem is that everyone insists that they are properly interested in the other person, but their words and actions do not agree with each other. All too often, a person insists that he/she was very interested in the other person, but this is unbelievable, because during the entire two-hour date, he/she asked fewer than three questions that were intended to get to know the other person. Sometimes even precisely zero questions!

Many people have experienced a date where the other person talked only about himself/herself, or only about external topics (perhaps very interesting topics or news, but still no attempt to get to know the other person). Sometimes a person does ask suitable questions, but it becomes evident that this is performative and not genuine interest.

Especially for women, it is a common occurrence to end a date with the feeling that the man had a profound lack of curiosity about the woman. The explanation is not that the woman was ugly. The man can be thinking that the woman is hot, and yet the date still ends with the man exhibiting a lack of interest in the woman. It is a paradox of dating.

I know what it's like to be in that situation. I too have experienced this lack of interest from men that claim to be very interested. Although my profile pic is of course better than in real life, I can say that in real life a man's lack of interest/curiosity during a date is definitely not caused by my appearance or weight. In addition, I have also talked with other women about their experiences.

The problem is that there exists a substantial percentage of men and women that claim to want a relationship despite the fact that their actions indicate either:

• Their true interest/motivation for a relationship is weak regardless of what they say.

• In other cases, they have a proper interest in a relationship but still no proper interest in any potential partner of any kind.

When someone is excessively self-centered and self-interested, he/she is incapable of establishing a successful long-term relationship with anyone in the world until he/she decides to learn the joy of having genuine curiosity about a potential partner.

A funny example is when a man is actively seeking a girlfriend for a serious relationship, and he is actively pursuing a particular woman that he views as sexy, but his lack of true interest in her is so extreme that he does not even realize that he is pursuing a happily married woman with children! He never asked her whether she is single and whether she has children already! 🤣

In other cases, a man and a woman will get through the initial dating stage. The woman has reached the point where she feels comfortable with initiating sexual activity with him. She invites him to dinner at her home. She drops hints about her willingness. Finally, she says that it is too late for him to go home to his place, so he should spend the night at her place.

However, she ends up disappointed when she realizes that his desire to initiate sex with her is inexplicably weak. He will gladly have sex with her if she initiates it and leads it, but this usually leaves the woman feeling unattractive or undesirable even if she very attractive.

Another common reason for failure is when a person refuses (or otherwise makes no effort) to improve or change anything about himself/herself in order to make himself/herself more attractive, more amenable/flexible, and more compatible for the purpose of creating a successful relationship.

Again, this may be rooted in insufficient desire and motivation for a relationship, because if a person truly wanted it, surely he/she would make the necessary changes in order to achieve the desired goal. (Alternatively, a refusal to improve or be flexible is sometimes caused by Narcissistic Personality Disorder.)

Interestingly, since the invention of widespread effective contraception, if insufficient interest and desire are influenced by genetic factors, then it has begun to be very gradually removed from the human gene pool. So, it is possible that the aforementioned problem will be much less common after a few hundred years from now. On the other hand, the situation is complex, and it is also possible that the problem will worsen, because of the number of corporations that create an emasculating subservient lifestyle for men.