How to get a job by pretending to be a sicko

To get a job, obviously you need to make yourself appealing to potential employers, but how? The answer is that you must present yourself as if you are a mentally ill person. Obviously not every mental illness is attractive. Employers are looking for particular mental illnesses – the kinds that are profitable for them.

Employers hate to hire healthy sane people, because most workplaces are madhouses that quickly drive sane people to quit. Therefore, in your resumé and interview, you need to act like you're exactly the kind of sicko that they're searching for.

Here is a list of characteristics that employers are looking for when reading your curriculum vitae / resumé and when interviewing you.

You feel intrinsically worthless and you seek validation

If your sense of self-worth comes from your employer, or if you feel like you are worthless without your employer's approval / validation, then you are attractive to an employer, because your employer will find it pleasantly easy to persuade you to sacrifice your life in order boost the company's profits.

If you ever start misbehaving or working less hard, then your employer can simply withdraw their approval of you, and you will scramble to regain their approval, because you feel worthless without their approval.

However, you can turn the game around. You can pretend to feel worthless. You can easily pretend that this bunch of blood-sucking corporate vampires will give meaning and purpose to your life.

You have low self-esteem

If you have low self-esteem, you will be highly susceptible to manipulative praise from a boss or team leader. Instead of paying you a proper salary, the boss will simply say “Great work”, and you will beam with happiness, not realizing that he/she is only saying it because words are cheap, and it costs nothing to say “Great work” whereas it costs tends of thousands of dollars to pay an employee fairly.

Employees with low self-esteem are profitable because they are spineless and easy to control. For example, if the boss announces:

“From now on, we're going to buy the alcohol from this third-world supplier.”

And then you raise your hand and say:

“But isn't their product contaminated with methanol? It will kill people sometimes, won't it?”

Then the boss will simply reply with a polite version of “Shut up”, and you will shut up if you have low self-esteem. That's why employers love to hire people with low self-esteem. So, you need to pretend to have low self-esteem during the job interview.

You seek a substitute parent

Do you have bad parents that did not love you? Are you subconsciously seeking a substitute parental figure in your workplace and/or in the government? Your new boss will enjoy pretending to be the good parent that you missed out on having.

You believe that good leaders exist

You believe in the tribal fantasy of one day finding a good leader, or even better, you believe that phenomenal leaders exist. You yearn to submit like a good beta to a good alpha. You do not know about the illusion of managerial control.

You are naive and gullible

The main reason why employers favor fresh meat is that young people are more likely to be naive and gullible. Middle-aged job candidates are less likely to believe the bullshit and lies that employers spew all over their employees and customers.

You have Masochistic Personality Disorder

This is a real favorite of employers. Masochistic employees feel sexual pleasure and arousal when they suffer for the benefit of their employer. It is no surprise that employers are keen to hire people with masochistic personality disorder.

If you are a masochistic employee, then you will feel bittersweet pleasure when you sacrifice your life in order to increase the company's profit by 0.0001% as soon as the boss demands your self-sacrifice. You will happily march to the frontline and lay down your life in battle for no good reason. You are a wet dream for a sadistic boss.

You are a tribal animal

Employers love tribal employees because tribal people look away and pretend that nothing bad happened whenever their tribe (the corporation) does something illegal or unethical. Employers hate whistleblowers that insist on doing the right thing.

You are deeply in debt

If they ask whether you have a mortgage, then answer, “Yes, a big one”. If they ask whether you have debt from your education, then answer, “Yes, a lot”.

If you have a huge debt that will take a lifetime of work to pay off, then you cannot quit. You are trapped. You will be the perfect wage-slave for the rest of your usable lifetime. This is why employers favor the job candidates that have the highest levels of debt. This is why corporations lobby governments to make houses and education more and more expensive.

You are materialistic

If you are materialistic and your spending is out of control, then this is similar to being constantly in debt, and employers will like you for the same reason that they like deeply indebted employees. You cannot stop working because you cannot stop buying dumb shit that you do not really need. Pretend to be this person.

You have pathological confidence

Most people love it when a candidate has a pathologically high level of self-confidence as a result of a severe mental disorder or just outright stupidity.

Conversely, when a person is truly very competent and skillful but has only a normal level of confidence, then he/she tends to be unpopular. Most people want candidates to have stupid levels of confidence because it feels reassuring.

However, make sure that your fake display of confidence does not include boasting. If you boast, then you appear to be insecure rather than confident.

You have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

If you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), then you will work insanely hard and long in endless futile attempts to impress random people, because your narcissism demands that you appear to be the best at your job. Obviously employers love the profits generated by this mental illness.

So, pretend to be a huge narcissist and reap the rewards. Be sure to demand a very high salary as a narcissist does.

You have a Savior Complex / Helper Syndrome

If you are applying for a job where you help people (for example, a nurse), then you will be favored if you are afflicted with savior complex (AKA helper syndrome). A person with a savior syndrome will often make an attempt to assist or continue to assist even if he/she is unhelpful or is detrimental to the situation, detrimental to others, and detrimental to himself/herself.

An employee with a savior syndrome can be very profitable because he/she will tolerate a low salary because he/she is addicted to trying to save people even when the salary does not cover the cost of living.

You are a psychopath (partially)

If you are applying for a job in management or at the executive level, then it is mandatory that you exhibit traits of psychopathy. A ruthless psychopathic CEO can increase a corporation's profit by up to 1000 times while accidentally killing only a relatively small number of customers and/or employees. Shareholders love the profits and the buzz generated by psychopaths, and the regular deaths and injuries are quickly forgotten and accepted by the general population.

It is a deep philosophical question, but not for psychopaths. It is a simple question in the minds of psychopathic executives. Generally, a large corporation finds it much more profitable to kill than not to kill.

🎭 In conclusion: Acting skills above all else

Corporations generally favor the staff members that have the best acting skills, not those that do the best work, and not those with the best qualifications. Succeeding in a job interview requires that you learn how to be a master bullshitter with excellent acting skills.

However, the interviewer usually knows that the interview is a depraved psycho-game, therefore you really need to be a convincing bullshitter, not just a regular bullshitter. This requires considerable practice and experience.

Good luck. You'll need it!